Logging into Facebook these days is a lot like traversing a minefield. Not only does one have to ward off the dozen ‘fraand’ requests from people you have no clue about, you usually have a dozen posts on your FB page about your friends having tried out certain shitty apps. The last straw to break one’s back is the suggestions offered by Facebook with regards to the friends we should add. Facebook has the uncanny knack of bringing up the profile of that one person who one wishes to avoid like the plague, much like Shoaibh Akhtar has the knack of getting caught rubbing the ball the wrong way on television cameras.
The Character Certificate:
One of the first alternatives to FB suggestions that I thought of (inspired by the above comic from XKCD), is Character Certificate. This application is meant to warn people of douchebags who try to send friend requests/will spam you with posts on your walls and invites to Mafia Wars/Farmville. On activating this application (on a certain fee, of course), the application will tell you how much of a douchebag the person sending this request is (if you havent already gauged that out from the lousy english and tone, i.e). This app can also be extended to inform you when relatives land up on FB so that you can correspondingly change your profile(beautifully pointed out by @flyyoufools in his comic )
Another important service that can be offered by Facebook is to identify friends who are going to post a huge set of pictures of their recent vacation where they spent 90% of their time posing for pictures. Further , most of those pictures are the same only with the subject standing in weird poses .And unlike this stock photo(which is given as a reward to all these persevering readers who have tolerated me so long), most of the pics are of bearded unkempt guys who upload a dozen pics. What one desperately wants is a warning of such photos to be published so one can safely block/ remove the person from the wall for a short duration of time, thus avoiding the shock of seeing the photos.
Do Unto others :
For those of the public who love to write a thousand status messages in a day, here is a FLASH NEWS : Use Twitter. For those of you who are irritated by people linking to myriad shitty videos (like Yuvraj gets irritated bout carrying the water) , I suggest an app of retribution which collects thousands of lousy videos (on the likes of the recent goat videos to more proper ones such as speeches of Deve Gowda and Atal Bihari Vajpayee) and dump them on his page. As a finishing touch (on the likes of MS Dhoni saying Well of course in his interview), one would like the app to link all people who leave Orkutiya comments (on the likes of “You look so hawt” on the pics tat a girl posts / This is SO AWESUM on a link shared by a guy). Such orkutiyas are to made to listen to their own comments read back to them (to ensure permanent brain damage).
Last but not the least, Facebook definitely needs something on the lines of Google Goggles will tell a person not to upload that pic or write that status message. Maybe that could prevent a lot of the FAIL blog posts , not to mention the likes of “OMG, My Mom is on Facebook”.
P.S: Inspiration taken from Fly you Fools, XKCD and other twitter genuises on the likes of @cgawker, @daddy_san and @i_r_squared